i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize