Me. At least after what I've been through.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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