My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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