no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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