I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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