You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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