please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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