That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize