i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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