How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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