Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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