we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize