Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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