you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
PANTIES FOUND
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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