swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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