just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize