I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize