I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize