nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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