tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize