filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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