worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize