Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize