Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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