If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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