It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize