I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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