textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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