dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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