My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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