All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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