Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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