if i can run in heels then i can drive
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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