it's too hot outside to masturbate.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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