Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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