True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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