She is in my trunk
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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