I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
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some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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