My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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