So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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