Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The air taste purple.
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