Banned from zoo.
Again?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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