I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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