Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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