you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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