I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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