So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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