I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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