I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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