The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize